The Zealots

(With apologies to anyone who may take offence to this on religious grounds. No offence is intended)

And so it was written that the Mac zealot and the PC zealot should come together and each would proclaim their mastery of the other until there was a winner.

And it came to pass that in an internet chat room (or a forum where these things are discussed), the zealots came together. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

HAIL TO ME I AM A MAC ZEALOT. MAC'S ARE THE DIVINE MACHINES, MADE BY THE GOOD LORD JOBS

Hail to me for I am a PC zealot. I am the most plentiful operating system and the Good Lord Gates is omnipresent and in all your homes

HAIL TO ME FOR I HAVE THE MOST SECURE OPERATING SYSTEM. IT IS WRITTEN THAT YOUR OPERATING SYSTEM IS RIDDLED WITH SECURITY FLAWS AND EVEN THE RIGHTEOUS SHALL GET VIRUSES. BUT NOT WITH THE MAC. THAT'S HOW GOOD I AM

Hail to me for I have the operating system that has the most applications for it. And the users said "I cannot use this Mac for it does not allow me to run gaming. But my PC will allow me to cavort with evil in World of Warcraft". And so it came to be that PC's were gaming machines.

HAIL TO ME FOR I WORK OUT OF THE BOX. THE USERS SAID "I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND HOURS LOADING THE OS, CONFIGURING IT AND UPLOADING DRIVERS AND UPDATES" SO THE GOOD LORD JOBS SHIPPED HIS MACHINES PRE-LOADED WITH AN OS. AND IT WAS GOOD

Hail to me for I do not lie in my advertising by claiming to be better than other operating systems. "We PC buyers are too intelligent to be taken by the falsehoods and the shamans of Madison Avenue". And so it was written

HAIL TO ME FOR BEING INTEGRATED WITH iTUNES iCHAT, iPHOTO, iCAL. FOR I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO DOWNLOAD APPLICATIONS THAT ARE NOT INTEGRATED. AND SO IT CAME TO BE.

Hail to me for not needing a subscription to .Mac to be useful. For the users arose and said "We are proud and just. We do not want to be slaves to the mighty .Mac" And so it came to be.

HAIL TO ME FOR HAVING THE COOLEST LOOKING HARDWARE ON THE PLANET. FOR VERILY THE MACBOOK AND THE iMAC ARE DIVINE GIFTS.

Hail to me for being able to manually upgrade my components, for verily I will want to add more memory, a bigger hard drive and different graphics card. And the component makers of the world came together and made it so.

HAIL TO ME FOR BEING DESIGNED IN SUCH A WAY AS TO NOT NEED A NEW GRAPHICS CARD OR EXTRA MEMORY. FOR I AM NOT LITTERED WITH BADLY WRITTEN LEGACY CODE THAT WILL CLOG YOUR HARD DRIVE WITH INVISIBLE FILES THAT EAT UP SPACE AND SLOW YOU DOWN. THUS SPAKE THE GOOD LORD JOBS WHO FURTHER SAID 'THOU SHALT BE ABLE TO ATTACH ANY DEVICE TO THINE MAC AND THE SYSTEM WILL WORK". AND IT WAS MADE SO.

Hail to me for being cheap. For it is written that a new PC is both better and cheaper than a new Macbook. and 'lo ' the users decide they could build their own PC for 1/3 the price of a comparable Mac. And it was good.

HAIL TO ME FOR I AM STABLE AND DO NOT GIVE THE BLUE-SCREEN OF DEATH. IT WAS THUS SO FOR ALL APPLICATIONS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO THE HIGH END GRAPHICS USER.

Hail to me for I am Vista and I manage the blue screen of death. For I am open to other hardware producers and I can deal with their foibles. And in the world of the true and just, he who cannot integrate with his neighbour shall perish. Even if that neighbour shall covet his wife's DLL's and manifest itself as a blue screen

HAIL TO ME FOR MY USER INTERFACE IS INTUITIVE AND GOOD. THE USERS THREW THEIR ARMS IN THE AIR AND SAID "WE WANT TO BE ABLE TO MUTE OUR MAC'S WITHOUT OPENING A PIECE OF SOFTWARE TO DO THAT. AND THUS IT BECAME.

Hail to me for I am designed to be used with a mouse. The users cried out in their anguish 'What manner of torture is this that I should use the keyboard for working the functions of this Mac. I want a mouse - and a mouse with two buttons at that - to make my life easier" So the Good Lord Gates made it so. And it was good.

HAIL TO ME FOR I CAN RUN WINDOWS ON MY HARDWARE. THE USERS CRIED "IF WE CAN HAVE INTEL PC'S IN OUR HARDWARE SURELY WE CAN HAVE WINDOWS OS AS OUR SOFTWARE?" AND THE GOOD LORD JOBS LISTENED TO THE CRIES OF THE USERS. AND HE SAW THE WRITING ON THE WALL. AND ON THE FIFTH DAY HE CREATED BOOTCAMP.

Hail to me for I am magnanimous in my praise of the Mac that can run Windows, for I myself shall only run Windows and not Mac OS X

HAIL TO ME FOR I AM A MAC ZEALOT AND I SHALL SMITE YOU DOWN UNLESS YOU KNEEL AT THE FOOT OF STEVE JOBS AND THE COOL WHITE MACHINES HE MAKES. I SHALL SPAM YOUR WEB SITES AND I SHALL DECRY YOU IN WRITING AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY BY DISPLAYING MY PASSION AGAINST YOUR IGNORANCE. I SHALL ATTEMPT TO COUNTER YOUR EVERY ARGUMENT WITH A MATCHING OR BETTER ONE OF MY OWN AND TO QUESTION YOUR CREDIBILITY BY IDENTIFYING MIS-SPELLINGS OR TYPO'S IN YOUR TEXT

Hail to me for I am a PC zealot. I too, shall decry you at every opportunity for being closed minded and misinformed. For not understanding that there is a world outside the Apple universe and that folks who like PC's are still real people and not Neanderthals. I shall discredit you too, by quoting facts and anecdotal evidence in counter argument to your posts.

HAIL TO ME FOR I SHALL HAVE PITY ON YOU WHO HAS CHOSEN THE PATH OF DARKNESS AND PROCLAIMED YOUR ALLEGIANCE TO THE EVIL OF REDMOND. I SHALL HEAP SCORN ON YOU, THOUGH, FOR NOT CHOOSING THE BETTER PATH AND WORSHIPPING THE IDOL OF APPLE

Hail to me for I shall cast you into the fiery pits of Silicon Valley for daring to worship the false God of Apple. You shall burn in damnation for not understanding that there is only one true master and his name is The Good Lord Gates.

HAIL TO ME FOR CURSING YOU AND YOUR PROGENY IN PERPETUITY FOR DARING TO INVOKE THE NAME OF THE SATAN FIGURE GATES. MAY THE PLAGUES OF A THOUSAND YEARS BE VISITED ON YOUR FAMILY, AND MAY THE BOWELS OF HELL OPEN AND SWALLOW US ALL IF WE FIND ANY COMMON GROUND BETWEEN THE DEVIL GATES AND THE GOOD LORD JOBS.

Hail to me for I am UBUNTU!

SHUT UP!
Shut up!

For those Mac folks reading this who want to see what happened when I purchased my own Macbook, click here, here, and here

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Original posting at Musings Cafe